Thinking about back to work

Elizabeth slept again until about 11am this morning, while husband went to Sainsbury's to get the weekly shopping and to take back the perfume he'd mistakenly bought me for Christmas (i.e. the 'wrong' one!). He'd already put the nappies in the washer, so I dozed in bed then finally sprung up to get a shower just as Elizabeth was waking for a feed (typical!). She spent some nice time on her gym and in her bouncy chair this afternoon, but still reluctant to go back into her cot when tired. Husband put her in a sling to do the ironing and she happily fell asleep there while I cleaned the kitchen - long overdue. I don't understand how people who say 'cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow...' manage, because the kitchen was disgusting! After wiping pomegranate juice from just about every surface thanks to husband's new year's resolution to eat five portions of fruit and veg each day, I started hoovering the stairs and landing, put more washing in, and generally busied myself until Mum rang. Just as I was settling to talk to her for a few minutes Elizabeth announced she needed feeding, so managed to do both at the same time.
She sat in her bouncy chair while we lunched on hotdogs, and for the first time fell asleep in her chair, but obviously didn't cope with the transfer from chair to cot.

Spent some time thinking about going back to work. Dug out my planner from work and realised that I'm now down to 'half pay' for 10 weeks, then by March I'll be on Statutory Maternity Pay only. Will be due to return to work by the end of April, but should have accrued some annual leave to 'tack on' at the end. What to do? Really don't want to go back (at all!) but how can we afford it? Considered the option of going back at 0.5, but that would involve three day's of travelling which would mean it wasn't really worth my while, and also three day's of childcare for Elizabeth.

Discussed options with husband later on, while looking for cottages for a Spring/Summer holiday and trying to work out what we can afford. The dreaded 'projections' spreadsheet was dug out, figures updated, and it looks grim. Two weeks in Devon has quickly become one week at a push. I don't know how people do it, we don't want a luxurious lifestyle, just to be able to spend some quality time with our child. The prospect of leaving her terrifies me. It casts a dark cloud over my maternity leave.

Returned to the kitchen in style this evening and got the food processor out to make a vegetable cobbler. Elizabeth was held and rocked by husband while I did the tricky bits, then when the dish was in the oven I fed her, and finally got to eat my meal (cold) a bit later on. Moved upstairs with her to endure the evening feeding frenzy. Checked some information on the internet about 'evening fussing and cluster feeding' but no real answers. Realised we had missed her bath out of the routine, but by 9pm it felt a bit late. At 11pm we knew she was clean and dry, well-fed and should have been well-tired as well, so settled her into her cot while we fell into bed next to her. She grumbled and protested for a while, then fell silent prompting husband to ask 'Is she still breathing?'. She slept until 4am, and fed for an hour. Relieved to get night feed back perversely, as it means I won't wake up swimming in a sea of milk! Went through three maternity bras yesterday morning, and don't want a repeat of that.