A low point

Well, Elizabeth is as fiercely determined to be independent as ever - she can pull herself up to standing now, holding onto the furniture, and is commando crawling everywhere. She wants to be into everything, and very quickly tires of her toys.

She has been waking up two or three times a night for weeks on end now, and the uncertainty about why remains. At first I thought it was teething - but I'm not sure. I'm so tired now it is untrue. This morning she was up just as I was going to bed, then woke again at around 4am, then again at 5am. I didn't feed her at 5am, and she did eventually go back to sleep, but then woke at 6am. She refused her breakfast this morning, and I tried to put her down for a nap at around 10am and she will not sleep. It is now 12 o'clock and I'm just trying again having just played with her downstairs for about an hour. She will not sleep.

I feel like I just need some time to myself - just a few minutes - to do something other than be a Mummy. Husband is at work today, Sunday, and I'm at a real low ebb. I'm sick of family and friends not helping - I don't know what I expect them to do really, and I suppose I resent the fact that they can do things. Having no money is really getting me down, and the uncertainty over my work is just so stressful. I'm tired beyond tired, and just wish I could have a rest and do some normal things like have my hair cut, buy some new clothes and see someone - anyone - outside of these four walls. Feel really, really depressed. I still love her to bits, obviously, but just feel that I'm getting more and more impatient and she gets more and more frustrated each day. I can see why some women reach the point that they want to return to work. Normality.