Friday 19th October was the last day of half-term for teachers up and down the country, and marked the one year anniversary since I left work on maternity leave. I remember well the stress of the training day and wondering why on earth I was there, given that I wasn't going to be a part of things for... hmmmm... I thought six months. I went out for a meal with my boss and one of my colleagues after meeting up with other colleagues for a drink in a pub in Sutton Coldfield. I was presented with my present (the card had gone missing in someone's desk drawer) - a toy and snowsuit for the baby, some soap and a box of chocs for me, and some lovely flowers. After the meal I was shattered, and stuttered to the car at a snail's pace (I know now as a result of SPD). I drove home in the dark, and as I landed back here collapsed in a sobbing heap - it had all been too much. I was mentally and physically tired - and had pushed it too far for too long. The long commute to work on the M6 in the traffic every rush hour morning and evening, being on my feet all day with a packed timetable, the relentless pressure of preparing 200+ sixth formers for their exams. I had been proud that I'd had not one single day off sick. Now I regret that I hadn't been easier on myself. I started my maternity leave tired, and pushed myself to get to my relaxation and breastfeeding classes each week in the run up to D-day, our due date of 21st November. I remember spending time sitting on the computer perusing the Bounty discussion boards because I was just too tired to do anything else. I tried going shopping but was simply exhausted. How would I cope now with another baby in tow?
The thinking now is that in April 2008 we will try to conceive again, so the new baby (Monky) would be due around January 2009. Not sure why - I wanted to avoid Christmas I suppose, and any earlier would mean getting my act together quick sharp. I've still got to lose weight, get fit, eat more healthily, and of course sort out our finances by starting work again.
I still haven't heard anything back from work following my grievance hearing nearly two weeks ago. I was expecting to hear before the end of the half-term but alas no.
Elizabeth was weighed today and has dropped slightly from her 95th centile, although the Health Visitor assured me this was normal now that she is more active. She advised me to put vaseline on her mouth which is getting increasingly sore and red. Elizabeth politely waved goodbye as I put her coat on. All good. We went to get some lawn seed this morning now that husband has completely turned over the garden, so by next Spring we should have a lovely LEVEL lawn for her to play on.
What can she do now? She attempted to blow her nose the other day, after having watched me and husband repeatedly blowing ours thanks to the colds we are suffering from. She picks up socks from the airer and places them on top of her feet. She points to the palm of her hand to initiate 'round and round the garden', and she gets more and more delighted when you come to get her after shes woken from her nap.
I can't believe it is coming up to her first birthday. I've got to get my head around a few things - still thinking of seeing the GP and asking about counselling, as the birth itself is something of a dark cloud on my memories. It is as if when we drove away from Shrewsbury on 24th November last year we left a lot of pain and suffering behind and I went into a safe haven of which I have so many happy memories. I swing between feeling very positive about another pregnancy - perhaps I won't get morning sickness, perhaps SPD won't be that bad, or won't come back at all (particularly as I'm going to the chiropractor). Perhaps the birth itself will be more manageable... then I panic and tell myself that I just can't go through it all again.
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