Tension mounts...

Well - am I pregnant? After spending nearly two weeks convincing myself, as testing approaches I'm really not sure. My incessant symptom-spotting has revealed a 'queasy feeling' that I imagined was the precursor to morning sickness, frequent trips to the loo, hunger, and, er, thats it. On Sunday night I had some spotting, and immediately looked it up on the internet and decided that this must be an implantation bleed (albeit somewhat late, on 9dpo). This continued yesterday - nothing major, and definately not feeling like a period (no tetchiness, no cramps) but now I don't feel so pregnant. Is this natures way of preparing me for the disappointment? Or is this the reason why people say not to symptom spot? One of the women on Mumsnet who was pregnant now thinks she's having a miscarriage. It is awful - after the stress of trying to conceive, there is the feeling that it is all so tentative anyway. Even if you make it through the first trimester, who can say what will go wrong?

On the positive side I've been to the library this week, and got myself a bumper crop of new books to read. Tana Ramsay's family food - banana bread in the oven as I type. Some toddlery books, some birth books, a 'make' book (If I am pregnant I want to get knitting this time around!). On Monday I realised how boring I have become because I was so excited that it was a 'clean sheets' night, and that I had my new library books to tuck into!

I've got it in the diary to do a pregnancy test tomorrow, but I might hold off until Friday - get work out of the way, then do it at home with the weekend to look forward to. It won't make it any better if it is bad news, but I suppose I'd rather not have to go to work on Friday knowing bad news... I'm constantly going round in circles though, so I'll have probably changed my mind umpteen times by then. Arrrrghhhh!