A new chapter - the terrible twos

We've been back from our holiday five days now.

It was absolutely great to get away - only when we were away did I realise that we haven't been away for two weeks since our honeymoon. A break from the house, the routine at home - the family!!! It was great in that respect. We had great weather, we were able to do more than last year (go to the beach, the zoo etc) and Elizabeth got a lot out of it. She paddled, dug holes, learned to say 'sea' and 'sand' and 'beach' and 'boats' and 'pebble'... But, we also realised that there is little respite, even on holiday. We were permanently knackered, and had barely any 'down time', and ended up returning home with books and magazines unread. Daily nappy washes, and loads of clothes washing, and making her lunches (which she wasn't keen on) and the daily grind of trying to loosely stick to her routine ended up tying us in knots. For the first few days I couldn't relax at all. After the exhaustion of packing, and the logistics of getting down there, then un-packing and starting the routine in a new location, I found myself sitting on the beach, watching the clock to apply her sunlotion every twenty minutes asking myself 'what is the point?'. I got better, and relaxed more, then got hit with a horrible cold - sinuses, headache, sore throat, hacking cough, congestion - you name it. Of course I couldn't take anything other than paracetamol, and couldn't sleep, so was shattered, and felt sick, and awful.

Amy and Chris came to stay for 4 nights, which was great in many ways. Elizabeth loved having her Aunty around, and our evenings were more lively and we had some interesting discussions. We got to know them better, for sure. But they were late nights, and we were so tired after they'd gone!

Then Elizabeth underwent some sort of transformation. She became a fully-fledged tantrumming toddler. It started the day before we came home, when she developed my cold. She wouldn't feed (pointing to her nose and getting very upset), and started getting angry. She was upset on the way home - it was hot, and the journey was long, so I guess I can't blame her, but she generally doesn't whinge and cry so it was frustrating to the point of exhaustion.

Then this week loomed, with husband back at work. I felt like I felt when she was a newborn and his paternity leave ended - the fear of being left on my own was huge! I expected it to turn out like when she was a newborn - not so bad in reality, but no! I've had some of the worst days ever. The tantrums have been legendary, and I've been in tears of desperation, screaming and shouting and pleading with her. I don't understand what has happened to her. At times I don't recognise her - she thrashes about like a wild animal, and I feel genuinely scared by how angry it makes me. I feel like we're treading on egg-shells the rest of the time, trying to avoid the triggers that cause these horrendous outbursts, but it gets rediculous. Husband said last night that we're being 'held hostage' by her, and it can't be right, but the genuine fear of what will happen if she gets angry!!! Perhaps she senses this??

I was putting it all down to her cold, but having been swimming today and talked to Mum of 23 month old Rebecca, I see lots of similarities, and realise I am not alone. It was a weight of my mind to hear that someone can understand what I feel like - but doesn't really give me any solutions. She kicked off in the cafe at lunch time as I thought she would, but eventually calmed down and ate her lunch. I don't know what is wrong with her at all.

On the positive side - Benjamin William was born today. We had a message yesterday that he was breech and there wasn't enough fluid to turn him, so he was born by C-section this morning, I think weighing 8lb 4oz.

Elizabeth is asleep now. I wonder whether she has stopped breastfeeding for good, or whether it is a protest, or cold-related, or because of the pregnancy - I hope it isn't the end of an era.

Oh yes, and I had my 'antenatal bloods' done on Monday, and received my green pregnancy notes for Monkey. So its official.

on holiday at last!!!

Well not quite, but I will be in three days time!

I'm going through the process of 'assembling' things in piles in our bedroom... I'm going to brave the rain (it hasn't stopped for days) in a few minutes as I venture into the garage in search of the picnic rug. I've been out this morning to buy some 'beach shoes' for Elizabeth - settled on a pair of 'Doodles' from Clarks. She's got her sunglasses, shorts, hats, bucket and various spades all sorted - in fact she put her hat in one of the suitcases this morning when I told her we were getting ready for the holiday!

I feel a bit sick today - worse than I have been. There is so much to do - I've got to work out a shopping list for the week, get the rest of the stuff together, iron loads of clothes, complete all the birthday cards and take Mum's round together with present and (hopefully) a homemade banana loaf (if I can get around to making it). I've got to get through the staff development day on Friday - I should be able to leave at around 3pm thank goodness, so at least I can get some stuff done when I get back.

It has, as I said, been raining non-stop so I can't get any washing dry. There is so much to do!!!!

I managed to get an appointment for antenatal blood tests for tomorrow, but cancelled it because of swimming (I'm collecting the handysitt from Claire) so have made another one for my return when I'll be 9 weeks - hope that scan won't be delayed as a result). Angela's baby is due on July 24th and I keep thinking it is going to be early. She seems to be doing alright at the moment, although had crisis of confidence the other night when she felt she couldn't go through with it.

Right - Elizabeth still asleep, and I've got to clean/tidy/iron/pack/bake - so onwards I go.

Approaching 6 weeks and still no morning sickness...

I think I'll officially be six weeks pregnant on Thursday. I'm horrendously tired, and have been feeling quite hungry/empty - but still no signs of morning sickness. I rang the GP last week, but they told me to hang off coming in for blood tests etc for another couple of weeks, but I'm going to ring again at the beginning of next week so that I can get in before we go on holiday...

We've had a hectic weekend with a first Birthday party on the Saturday and a christening on the Sunday. Strangely I don't feel too stressed about going on holiday, but maybe that is because I really haven't had time to think about it. I've got to start making lists and getting things together - but that will be next week. This week I've been to get Elizabeth a new pair of shoes, and a rucksack for her to carry her own toys in. She can say "bag" now, as well as another clutch of new words like "brush" and "park" and "bow"...

I've started reading about the Alexander Technique, but it seems quite difficult to appreciate from a book rather than from a teacher. I've also read a diary-style book about having triplets which was brilliant - really made me feel positive about coping with another baby. This woman had an 18-month old and then triplets!!