Friday 19th October was the last day of half-term for teachers up and down the country, and marked the one year anniversary since I left work on maternity leave. I remember well the stress of the training day and wondering why on earth I was there, given that I wasn't going to be a part of things for... hmmmm... I thought six months. I went out for a meal with my boss and one of my colleagues after meeting up with other colleagues for a drink in a pub in Sutton Coldfield. I was presented with my present (the card had gone missing in someone's desk drawer) - a toy and snowsuit for the baby, some soap and a box of chocs for me, and some lovely flowers. After the meal I was shattered, and stuttered to the car at a snail's pace (I know now as a result of SPD). I drove home in the dark, and as I landed back here collapsed in a sobbing heap - it had all been too much. I was mentally and physically tired - and had pushed it too far for too long. The long commute to work on the M6 in the traffic every rush hour morning and evening, being on my feet all day with a packed timetable, the relentless pressure of preparing 200+ sixth formers for their exams. I had been proud that I'd had not one single day off sick. Now I regret that I hadn't been easier on myself. I started my maternity leave tired, and pushed myself to get to my relaxation and breastfeeding classes each week in the run up to D-day, our due date of 21st November. I remember spending time sitting on the computer perusing the Bounty discussion boards because I was just too tired to do anything else. I tried going shopping but was simply exhausted. How would I cope now with another baby in tow?
The thinking now is that in April 2008 we will try to conceive again, so the new baby (Monky) would be due around January 2009. Not sure why - I wanted to avoid Christmas I suppose, and any earlier would mean getting my act together quick sharp. I've still got to lose weight, get fit, eat more healthily, and of course sort out our finances by starting work again.
I still haven't heard anything back from work following my grievance hearing nearly two weeks ago. I was expecting to hear before the end of the half-term but alas no.
Elizabeth was weighed today and has dropped slightly from her 95th centile, although the Health Visitor assured me this was normal now that she is more active. She advised me to put vaseline on her mouth which is getting increasingly sore and red. Elizabeth politely waved goodbye as I put her coat on. All good. We went to get some lawn seed this morning now that husband has completely turned over the garden, so by next Spring we should have a lovely LEVEL lawn for her to play on.
What can she do now? She attempted to blow her nose the other day, after having watched me and husband repeatedly blowing ours thanks to the colds we are suffering from. She picks up socks from the airer and places them on top of her feet. She points to the palm of her hand to initiate 'round and round the garden', and she gets more and more delighted when you come to get her after shes woken from her nap.
I can't believe it is coming up to her first birthday. I've got to get my head around a few things - still thinking of seeing the GP and asking about counselling, as the birth itself is something of a dark cloud on my memories. It is as if when we drove away from Shrewsbury on 24th November last year we left a lot of pain and suffering behind and I went into a safe haven of which I have so many happy memories. I swing between feeling very positive about another pregnancy - perhaps I won't get morning sickness, perhaps SPD won't be that bad, or won't come back at all (particularly as I'm going to the chiropractor). Perhaps the birth itself will be more manageable... then I panic and tell myself that I just can't go through it all again.
Monday, 22 October 2007
Monday, 15 October 2007
Things getting better...?
I've had my grievance hearing at work. That was last Wednesday - 10th October. It was very stressful, and they still just don't 'get it'. They think it is my 'personal choice' not to opt for daycare, and were only too willing to show my a glossy brochure and arrange for me to talk to the Mason Road Nursery manager to reassure me. Kit was great - stating that I was constrained by my childcare and had been very flexible beyond that. Came away not expecting too much really, although the man did say that the situation was slightly different now than it was when the business reasons were cited for not offering me work. Still get the impression they want to barter with me, and obviously I can't.
Elizabeth is in a bit more of a routine now. She sleeps at 9.30/10.00am for about an hour, and sleeps again at 2pm for about an hour. Her day looks something like this now:
6.30am - wakes up
7.00am - breastfeeds (both sides) for about 15 minutes
8.00am - breakfast of porridge + fruit
9.00am - washed and dressed, then down for a nap
11.00am - wakes up, breastfeeds
12.30pm - lunch (e.g. cheese on toast, raisins, yoghurt + fruit) water
2.00pm - down for a nap
3.00pm - wakes up, breastfeeds, nappy changed etc
6.00pm - tea followed by bath, sleepsuit on, story, then
7.00pm - bed
She is eating finger foods more readily now - cheese on toast, apple ricecakes, raisins, toast with puree on, banana, apple, pear, melon; I've tried cream cheese sandwiches with her but she can't quite manage that yet. She ate cod and potato bake, same as we had, last night, and has also eaten lamb casserole, spaghetti bolognaise, rice pudding.... she still only drinks water (thank God!) and no sweets, chocolate etc (thank God!).
She is beginning to learn things which is really interesting. She has just managed to learn the answer to "Where's Mummy's nose?" and "Where's Daddy's nose?" - she points correctly in response, but won't point to her own nose. She is just mastering "Where are Mummy's ears?" in addition to her previously understood "clap hands" and "kiss kiss" (which comes and goes). I've just started doing 'round and round the garden' with her which she seems to enjoy - she puts her hand out and sort of points at it with the other hand which I take as a signal that she wants to do it again! She is more affectionate towards her toys - she kissed little nutbrown hair and Simbob the dog, and will pass them to me for me to kiss them. She is tentatively taking a few steps with her walker, but is much more proficient at getting along the side of the table and sofa.
Her sleep has been disturbed the last couple of nights, could be teething, not sure. Still haven't fed her - those days thankfully are gone. Still haven't made big decisions about who would look after her in the event of something happening to me and husband, although organising a will was one of the first things we were supposed to do when Elizabeth was born.
Her first birthday is approaching rapidly and we think we have decided that we will all spend the day together on the day after her birthday and go to Hoo Farm, then on the Sunday if friends and family want to come over they can. We (well, I) think it is more for us than it is for anyone else.
She came with me to the chiropractor this morning and sat good as gold. Things seem better on that front, although I wasn't in the best of health over the weekend. I felt really sick on Friday night (it was like morning sickness but I knew it couldn't be!) and woke up at about 11pm to be violently sick. I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, and was totally wiped out the following day. Having to look after Elizabeth was SO difficult, could have really done with the day in bed. I though I'd be alright to go around Sainsbury's in the late afternoon but thought I was going to pass out. By the time I'd fed her and she was in her cot I staged a bit of a recovery - but only after lying in bed for about an hour. Being a Mummy means no time off - so hard when you're ill, and particularly hard on your body when you are breastfeeding. I think that is why I was so exhausted. Now I'm just full of cold, but that's not too bad. Miraculously (touch wood) so far Elizabeth hasn't come down with either ailment!
Elizabeth is in a bit more of a routine now. She sleeps at 9.30/10.00am for about an hour, and sleeps again at 2pm for about an hour. Her day looks something like this now:
6.30am - wakes up
7.00am - breastfeeds (both sides) for about 15 minutes
8.00am - breakfast of porridge + fruit
9.00am - washed and dressed, then down for a nap
11.00am - wakes up, breastfeeds
12.30pm - lunch (e.g. cheese on toast, raisins, yoghurt + fruit) water
2.00pm - down for a nap
3.00pm - wakes up, breastfeeds, nappy changed etc
6.00pm - tea followed by bath, sleepsuit on, story, then
7.00pm - bed
She is eating finger foods more readily now - cheese on toast, apple ricecakes, raisins, toast with puree on, banana, apple, pear, melon; I've tried cream cheese sandwiches with her but she can't quite manage that yet. She ate cod and potato bake, same as we had, last night, and has also eaten lamb casserole, spaghetti bolognaise, rice pudding.... she still only drinks water (thank God!) and no sweets, chocolate etc (thank God!).
She is beginning to learn things which is really interesting. She has just managed to learn the answer to "Where's Mummy's nose?" and "Where's Daddy's nose?" - she points correctly in response, but won't point to her own nose. She is just mastering "Where are Mummy's ears?" in addition to her previously understood "clap hands" and "kiss kiss" (which comes and goes). I've just started doing 'round and round the garden' with her which she seems to enjoy - she puts her hand out and sort of points at it with the other hand which I take as a signal that she wants to do it again! She is more affectionate towards her toys - she kissed little nutbrown hair and Simbob the dog, and will pass them to me for me to kiss them. She is tentatively taking a few steps with her walker, but is much more proficient at getting along the side of the table and sofa.
Her sleep has been disturbed the last couple of nights, could be teething, not sure. Still haven't fed her - those days thankfully are gone. Still haven't made big decisions about who would look after her in the event of something happening to me and husband, although organising a will was one of the first things we were supposed to do when Elizabeth was born.
Her first birthday is approaching rapidly and we think we have decided that we will all spend the day together on the day after her birthday and go to Hoo Farm, then on the Sunday if friends and family want to come over they can. We (well, I) think it is more for us than it is for anyone else.
She came with me to the chiropractor this morning and sat good as gold. Things seem better on that front, although I wasn't in the best of health over the weekend. I felt really sick on Friday night (it was like morning sickness but I knew it couldn't be!) and woke up at about 11pm to be violently sick. I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, and was totally wiped out the following day. Having to look after Elizabeth was SO difficult, could have really done with the day in bed. I though I'd be alright to go around Sainsbury's in the late afternoon but thought I was going to pass out. By the time I'd fed her and she was in her cot I staged a bit of a recovery - but only after lying in bed for about an hour. Being a Mummy means no time off - so hard when you're ill, and particularly hard on your body when you are breastfeeding. I think that is why I was so exhausted. Now I'm just full of cold, but that's not too bad. Miraculously (touch wood) so far Elizabeth hasn't come down with either ailment!
Monday, 8 October 2007
Waking three times a night no more!
We think we've cracked it!!!! On 26th September she technically 'slept through' and I haven't fed her during the night since 21st September. She wakes occasionally - a couple of nights ago she had her first 'nightmare' but went straight back to sleep. The night before last I was pressing the lullaby button on the monitor every hour or so until we figured out that she was in pain (teething or sore throat like we had... still not sure) so gave her some medicine which did the trick. Last night she woke up at 5am but dozed off again with the help of the lullaby until husband woke her just after 7am. I should be ecstatic but I've got more sleep to catch up with than time to catch up in, and am still stressed out about (a) my grievance hearing which is this week and (b) the ongoing situation with regards to my parents' caring for my grandparents. But - the sleep programme was a great success - hardgoing but well worth it!
Elizabeth has been 'hard work' since she was 9 months. Her growing independence and shortening temper, plus struggles over eating and 'exploring' have tested me. In the morning she wants to be 'treasure hunting'. No longer content to sit in bed and cuddle with me she wants to be getting the 'treasure' on our bedside tables, whether mobile phone, alarm clock, keys, cufflinks... you name it. She still hates having her nappy changed - the most challenging part of the day is probably when I have to get her washed and change her nappy. She has developed a high pitched scream which I would like to say she reserves for just such occasions, but she also uses it whenever she is blocked.
On the plus side she has stopped eating books, playing with the video and eating newspapers, and has learned to dance. She is listening to more music now I have figured out how to get radio stations through Freeview, and jigs about while cruising the coffee table and smaller table, neither of which have corner protectors on because she eats them. Her toys are having something of a renaissance - instead of all being stored in a tupperware box by the living room door they are now arranged at various 'activity stations' for her interest. The shape sorter and rings on a pole and her Elizabus (animal shape sorter bus) are on the small table. Her activity boot, rattles and box of toys like Mr Froggy and the Fisher Price Rollaround balls are on the main table, with some things secreted on the shelf below. There are library books for her to find on the lower shelf of the book case, and she now has her V-tech First Steps walker ("Hello baby, lets play puppy says... dance to the island beat..." against our better judgement. I say this because we have resisted all toys with flashing lights and sounds thinking that she would be getting too much stimulation and reasoning that we have turned out fine without such toys. However, as she is cruising now we wanted her to have something to support her through learning to walk, and tried her with various push-alongs at group. The tradional truck with bricks in was a 'no go' and this particular one is very stable and seemed ideal. When she tried it again in Mothercare she was actually walking along behind it - but now she's had it at home for a week or so she will roll underneath it but is showing no signs of walking with it! Nonetheless, we're getting to know every tune and sound that it makes!
Elizabeth's eating is progressing. She is having more finger foods - she had toast today with her lamb puree smeared over it, and ended up eating most of it. She had a medley of peas, sweetcorn, carrots and melon as a starter for tea last night but most of that ended up variously on the floor, in the basket of her highchair, and down her clothes. The highchair truly is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I spray it daily with Dettol spray, and clean in the crevices after every meal but it still seems to have a kind of dried on musy gunk every time I look at it. Everyone tells me this is all good, and she needs to explore her food to develop eating skills. Hmmm.... when the blueberry and raspberry puree was fired backwards about two metres yesterday lunch time and hit the radiator in the corner of the room I was beginning to wonder! She generally starts out well holding her own spoon when we feed her with a second spoon but does get frustrated and starts to spit things out, although I read somewhere yesterday that we should stop at that point as any more is 'over-feeding'. How do you know when she hasn't had enough and when to encourage her to have more and when to call it a day? This parenting lark is so hard!!!
Elizabeth has been 'hard work' since she was 9 months. Her growing independence and shortening temper, plus struggles over eating and 'exploring' have tested me. In the morning she wants to be 'treasure hunting'. No longer content to sit in bed and cuddle with me she wants to be getting the 'treasure' on our bedside tables, whether mobile phone, alarm clock, keys, cufflinks... you name it. She still hates having her nappy changed - the most challenging part of the day is probably when I have to get her washed and change her nappy. She has developed a high pitched scream which I would like to say she reserves for just such occasions, but she also uses it whenever she is blocked.
On the plus side she has stopped eating books, playing with the video and eating newspapers, and has learned to dance. She is listening to more music now I have figured out how to get radio stations through Freeview, and jigs about while cruising the coffee table and smaller table, neither of which have corner protectors on because she eats them. Her toys are having something of a renaissance - instead of all being stored in a tupperware box by the living room door they are now arranged at various 'activity stations' for her interest. The shape sorter and rings on a pole and her Elizabus (animal shape sorter bus) are on the small table. Her activity boot, rattles and box of toys like Mr Froggy and the Fisher Price Rollaround balls are on the main table, with some things secreted on the shelf below. There are library books for her to find on the lower shelf of the book case, and she now has her V-tech First Steps walker ("Hello baby, lets play puppy says... dance to the island beat..." against our better judgement. I say this because we have resisted all toys with flashing lights and sounds thinking that she would be getting too much stimulation and reasoning that we have turned out fine without such toys. However, as she is cruising now we wanted her to have something to support her through learning to walk, and tried her with various push-alongs at group. The tradional truck with bricks in was a 'no go' and this particular one is very stable and seemed ideal. When she tried it again in Mothercare she was actually walking along behind it - but now she's had it at home for a week or so she will roll underneath it but is showing no signs of walking with it! Nonetheless, we're getting to know every tune and sound that it makes!
Elizabeth's eating is progressing. She is having more finger foods - she had toast today with her lamb puree smeared over it, and ended up eating most of it. She had a medley of peas, sweetcorn, carrots and melon as a starter for tea last night but most of that ended up variously on the floor, in the basket of her highchair, and down her clothes. The highchair truly is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. I spray it daily with Dettol spray, and clean in the crevices after every meal but it still seems to have a kind of dried on musy gunk every time I look at it. Everyone tells me this is all good, and she needs to explore her food to develop eating skills. Hmmm.... when the blueberry and raspberry puree was fired backwards about two metres yesterday lunch time and hit the radiator in the corner of the room I was beginning to wonder! She generally starts out well holding her own spoon when we feed her with a second spoon but does get frustrated and starts to spit things out, although I read somewhere yesterday that we should stop at that point as any more is 'over-feeding'. How do you know when she hasn't had enough and when to encourage her to have more and when to call it a day? This parenting lark is so hard!!!
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